“The Importance of Emotions in Coaching” – by Laurent Kahn
- BAO Elan Vital
- Apr 1
- 4 min read
Updated: Apr 16
"My job, if I have one, is to convey an emotion that comes to me," said the poet Christina Bobin.
Emotions play a vital role in human “functioning”… sometimes far beyond what we might imagine.
We are emerging, hopefully at least, from a materialistic era where emotions have been relegated to the background in favor of a vision focused more on logic and analytics.
“The left brain is associated with logical and rational reasoning, the right brain is intuitive and emotional” (1)
“rational OR emotional”
“prioritize the cognitive to promote factual analysis”
"showing one's emotions is an admission of weakness"
"no emotions at work" .
These are very strong beliefs that are still passed on in schools and businesses, but in light of current developments and knowledge in neuroscience, they are absolute nonsense.
For Antonio Damasio, it is precisely "the absence of emotion that prevents us from being truly rational" (2).Indeed, our emotional functioning is an integral part of our cognitive functions: rational and emotional form an inseparable tandem. Head and heart operate in constant dynamic interactions within an individual's body.Emotions are even the driving force behind our behavior: "Emotion" comes from the Latin movere, which means "to shake," "to set in motion." Emotions are therefore energy "in motion."
The world of advertising and entertainment, Netflix, and smartphones rely heavily on it. Not to mention the famous Artificial Intelligence, which uses "emotional principles" to pretend to be human. Emotions are addictive because they provoke sensations in us, they motivate us, whether pleasant or unpleasant. Some couples sometimes argue (more or less violently) to (unconsciously) feel the joy of reconciliation.
Emotions of course play a crucial role in the coaching relationship, both for the person being coached and the coach.
In his book "Coaching Emotions" Daniel Chernet states that " emotions are vehicles of relationships, their correct expression allows us to develop relational proximity for the benefit of cooperation. Being in cooperation is being in life and life is emotional, relational and affective. "
It's not always easy to know what to do or how to "be" as a coach when faced with another's emotions. I remember once witnessing a coachee's terrible anger, who, feeling powerless, was overwhelmed by this almost destructive anger. Staying calm and maintaining a form of empathic neutrality was far from easy for me in my position as a coach. Breathing consciously first and verbalizing the thought-feeling combo allowed me to "channel" this energy into the right action for both my coachee and me.
I owe this (professional) serenity to my training and my daily practice in the face of life's events. I remained calm and welcoming, which allowed my coachee to get through what she had to go through. She was able to discharge her energy in a safe environment, regain her senses to consider the small steps to take to achieve her desired goals. This coaching attitude, defined by a certain emotional stability, I learned it and it became an acquired skill, over time.
Importance of working on emotions in coaching:Working with emotions is essential in coaching because emotions influence our thoughts, behaviors, and decisions. By understanding and regulating emotions, an individual can develop greater self-awareness, improve interpersonal relationships, and anticipate and optimize decision-making. If a coach understands their client's emotions, they can better identify underlying issues and guide the client toward greater autonomy. While it's neither helpful nor appropriate to cut yourself off from emotions as a coach, it's also important to avoid being overwhelmed by your own emotions or those of your client.Supporting emotions in coaching therefore aims at 3 levels and requires skills:
Emotional awareness: This is the ability to recognize and understand one's own emotions and those of others. This allows a coach to adapt and respond to a client's specific emotional needs.
Emotional competence: This refers to the ability to recognize, understand, use, and effectively manage emotions in oneself and others. For example, an emotionally competent coach is able to discern if a client is feeling frustrated, even if the client does not express it.Emotional competence is positively related to well-being (Schutte et al., 2002) and life satisfaction (Gallagher and Vella-Brodrick, 2008; Gannon and Ranzijn, 2005). Conversely, low emotional competence is associated with higher levels of anxiety, stress, depression, burnout, and negative affect (4).
Emotional regulation: This is the ability to accept and respond to an emotional experience in a way that is socially acceptable and allows one to achieve personal goals. This is called a functional strategy.James Gross's (2013) emotion regulation model considers emotion regulation as the way of influencing the different characteristics of the emotional experience (such as its nature, duration or intensity) by acting on its different components (the situation, attention, appraisal, physiological or behavioral response).Another definition of emotional regulation highlights the notion of flexibility and adaptation to the context: it is the ability to follow or detach from an emotion depending on the context (Brackett et al., 2011) and to learn when and how it is best to regulate one's emotions (Mikolajczak et al., 2014).(3)
In conclusion, coaching isn't just about strategy or goals. It's about accompanying the client on their emotional journey, helping them recognize, understand, and regulate their emotions to achieve their goals. A coach skilled in emotional intelligence is therefore essential for effective coaching. Emotional skills can be acquired and cultivated. Let's delve deeper into this topic during the masterclass.
Laurent Kahn
(2) António Rosa Damásio born February 25, 1944 in Lisbon, is a doctor, professor of neurology, neuroscience and psychology
(3) (4) Developing emotional skills, by I.Kotsou, R.Shankland, M.Mikolajczak- 2022
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