“So, I dared” – by Dominique Damas

At the beginning of your training, it's wise to adopt a somewhat academic approach, typical of beginners.This will allow you to further develop your own coaching style, by choice and experience. You need to be well-prepared to jazz upfreestyle. On behalf of the entire BAO Elan Vital team, thank you to Dominique for this testimony, which touched and excited us, reminding us that together, by combining our differences, we can definitely go further and in a sustainable way. It's wonderful to see yourself progressing at your own unique pace. 

Danielle De Wilde

October 2009. Our three children were diagnosed with disabilities. The axe fell. Shock, bewilderment, protective mechanisms, an emotional storm... and a slow rebuilding. The path to resilience hasn't yet been named. We're taking it one step at a time. Slowly and surely. There are many setbacks. But none of them destroy us.

In 2010, I became involved in the voluntary sector. I work, within my means, with passion and my skills, to improve the future of our children and those who will follow. Conferences, awareness-raising, and training become my daily routine, as do welcoming, listening, supporting, and advising families who are going through the same path as us.

September 2022. First Explorer module, the solfeggios of the coaching attitude. On the waiting list for nine months. I'm impatient, to put it mildly. Discovering the coaching framework, the coaching posture, and the famous " blank screen  ." This will be my first difficulty. Over the past years, I've learned to listen... but never in a completely neutral way, since I experience a daily life similar to the families I welcome and support. The first exercises are all the more difficult for me, as I'm burning to share one piece of advice or another. And at the same time, I understand, when I finally manage to shut up and truly listen, the relevance of putting aside preconceptions, even (and especially) in situations similar to mine.

Open-ended questions will be my second challenge. This is especially true in intellectual disabilities, a field in which it's easy to fall into infantilization and closed-ended questioning. I'm so used to only expecting a "yes" or a "no." Open-ended questions will be a real revelation, even at the family level. What a joy to discover an unsuspected universe of answers... when my questioning opens up the field of possibilities!

The modules are coming one after the other. On the one hand, not fast enough for my liking. Yet, I must admit that this time is beneficial for me to integrate, digest, and absorb everything that's happening there. Intense!

During the module on wounds and their gifts , Gaétan invites us to move the body on each of the masks . As we step on the ground on the rigidity , I feel the tears flow silently, like an enormous balloon that does not dry up. And I understand that the feeling of injustice, these last months, has been inscribed deep within my body. I realize the importance of welcoming this wound, of naming it, of taking care of it, of being accompanied too… to be able to continue to accompany other people correctly and serenely.

My "good student" side likes clean and complete notes. So I can reread, revise, study, to better master the material. Only the first step in learning . My attention and concentration deficit, surprisingly, does not penalize me. I am so passionate about all the subjects covered in the training. I feel, as in the training, awareness sessions and conferences that I give, in my rightful place .

And in my rightful place, everything rolls with unparalleled ease.

During the rest of the Discoverer journey, where music theory becomes more jazzy, where we practice coaching thoroughly by discovering the subtleties, I remain very attached to the different models and the numerous coaching tools. I go so far as to present them, to draw them for different coachees. I remain attached to the

theory.

A little too much, certainly, but without yet realizing it. Until I watched the first master coaching videos from ICF Synergie. I finally understood what "  the relevance of the coach's questioning  " fundamentally meant. Certainly, the tools and models are useful... but like a tapestry, in an invisible way.

I easily find a few strangers willing to be coached at home.

First very academic sessions .

I set the framework for the coaching and its limits. The sessions begin. A touch of anxiety at the idea of ​​not knowing where the coachee and I are going. Listen, question, bounce back. Present one or the other model, even going so far as to draw it, like the ego states for one of them. Starting with a situation she told me about, invite her to imagine different responses based on the different states.

And as the sessions progress, I relax and welcome with joy the happiness of the person being coached once the tasking is defined or a start of serenity found by having realized the tree of life of confidence and self-esteem.

In the "Metaphorical Process" module, I'm completely stuck in my questioning during an exercise. A reflection from Anne-Céline, "co-discoverer," will allow me to fully let go: "Go freestyle, Dom! You know you've mastered the theory, let go!"

So, I dared ! During the exercise with the guests, I suggested to my coachee that we go and experience the coaching in the Parc du Cinquantenaire. I, who love to reassure myself and stay within the framework, decided to step out of my comfort zone and the physical setting of the BAO. It also meant abandoning the idea of ​​taking notes and being able to rely on them. And above all, it was an opportunity to fully experience the coaching, being fully attentive to the pace of the coachee's walking, listening to the timbre of her voice, the choice of

words, ready to respond to the terms used, to be fully present to what was being experienced with her. It felt like surfing. And I loved it, really loved it. Trusting the coachee in her ability to find her own solution, her own path, and in myself, in my ability to listen, to question, to respond, to synchronize, to reformulate and to accompany.

Today, I feel – finally – legitimate in the training courses I lead. In my coaching sessions, I find it easier to set aside my own life experiences, my personal beliefs, my representations and my experiences so that they do not interfere with the coachee's story. I also feel much more and better equipped than I was before, both to move forward on my own path and to support coachees, students, professionals or parents affected by disabilities. This Explorer-

Discoverer training is today the best gift I have given myself!

Thanks to the trainer-coaches Catherine Baele, Daniëlle De Wilde , Gaëtan Vandamme, Laurent Kahn, Pierre Lucas, to the assistants and to all the people I met within the framework of BAO Elan Vital, each and every one in their own way has allowed me to advance a little further on the path that is mine. For those who would like to know more, here are the training courses that I have been giving for 15 years ( https://ffxf.be/formation/ ) as well as a page on the awareness-raising sessions that I generally run in tandem with Lionel, a self-advocate for more than 10 years ( https://ffxf.be/sensibilisation/ ). »

Dominique Damas