"Self-Perception: The Two Faces” – by Daniëlle De Wilde

BAO Elan Vital
Apr 1
4 min read

The journey towards mastering skills such as those that constitute the coaching posture or any other profession is a complex process, marked by moments of doubt, joy, despair and sometimes even... overconfidence.

The path we take when learning a new skill goes through the well-known stages of learning:

1. Unconscious incompetence: I don't understand or don't know how to do it and I don't necessarily recognize this inadequacy. For example: I don't know that there are different kinds of questions to ask to understand the other person well, and I give them good advice based on my model of the world. I tell them: if I were you, I would do... without realizing that the other person is closing themselves off to this kind of communication.

2. Conscious incompetence: I don't understand or know how to do something, but I recognize the gaps and the value of a new skill to fill them.  For example: I don't know what questions to ask to get the person to see things in a broader perspective. I would like to offer them a deep listening experience, but I tend to start my sentences with closed questions: Have you ever thought about...?

3. Conscious competence: I understand or know how to use the skills or knowledge still requires concentration.   For example: I am careful not to suggest leads or solutions and I avoid leading questions. I don't talk about myself; all my energy goes to the other person. I ask open-ended questions that get the other person thinking without feeling judged.

4. Unconscious skill: I have practiced a skill so much that it has become “second nature” and can be performed easily.  For example: I spontaneously ask creative questions to get the person to think for themselves about how they interpret reality. I know “that I don’t know about the other” and I ignore all my “Savior” reflexes. I am completely and authentically present, at the service of the person without seeing them as a Victim, and leading them to reconnect with their internal resources.

During learning, it is good to receive and ask for feedback, whether through intervision or supervision: our self-perception can sometimes deceive us, making us believe that we are either more competent than we really are (the Dunning-Kruger effect), or less competent than we actually are (the impostor syndrome). 

Let's dive into these two psychological phenomena that we often encounter in support, whether in life coaching as a parent, for example, or in coaching in the world of work.

In the theatre of professional life, two characters stand out, representing two psychological phenomena.

The Imposture

Sophie, an engineer promoted to a management position, constantly doubts herself and fears that her colleagues will discover that she's not up to the task. Working overtime galore, she rejects compliments and attributes her success to luck. Yet she's incredibly talented, but suffers from imposter syndrome , like a superhero who doesn't realize she has superpowers!

Ignorance

Diane, a guitar enthusiast, is learning to play. Able to play a few basic chords, she feels very confident. Like Phoebe in Friends, she prepares to sing and compose, sure that she could play in a band. Her confidence is disproportionate to her skills—it's the example of the Ignorant Girl, or the Dunning-Kruger effect . Diane has the audacity of a child who has just learned to swim and is already thinking about crossing the ocean!

These characters, although opposites, are actually two sides of the same coin: a disconnect between self-perception and reality, which leads to personal and professional problems.

Journey from Overconfidence to Mastery

The Dunning-Kruger effect, a cognitive bias identified by psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger, explains the learning process in three main stages:

1. I know everything! Mia, a new employee after organizing a small meeting, claims she could lead the human resources department. After a few days of coaching training, Gaëtan believes he can already support anyone on any topic. His website is ready. His first client is showing signs of advanced burnout, but Gaëtan doesn't realize it and neglects to encourage a medical visit. This is the Mountain of Stupidity , where engaged in a new field she overestimates her skills. This overconfidence may be the result of a lack of real experience or an inability to recognize the skills required.

2. I don't know much actually!After some clashes, disappointments, and trial and error, Mia realizes there is a lot to learn about HR management. Pierre has obtained his coaching certificate. He's waiting to establish his practice, not yet feeling qualified to coach. He's enrolled in masterclasses, a systemic coaching program, and a long-term Gestalt training course, wanting to clarify his own way of handling emotions. This is the Valley of Humility , a phase of awareness of shortcomings.

3. I understand better!With experience and training, Mia begins to understand how the system works. Aware of her strengths and weaknesses, she progresses. Gaëtan learns to understand the limits between coaching, therapy and counseling. Pierre knows that continuing education is crucial, but he also takes action by coaching 'real people' while being supervised to gain confidence. This is the Consolidation Plateau , with a more realistic assessment of skills.

“Overcoming imposter syndrome and mitigating the Dunning-Kruger effect is a common theme in coaching because both phenomena lead to harmful consequences. The Impostor burns out, while the Ignorant risks making imprudent decisions. It is therefore crucial to promote a culture of honest and constructive feedback for a more accurate self-perception. Individuals thus acquire a reliable perception of their competence.

We therefore contribute to creating healthy and productive environments. We help the Impostor (or Impostor, of course) recognize their worth and the Ignorant understand their limits.

In this way, we play a beneficial role, leading to a culture of feedback, more authentic intra- and inter-psychic communication, better performance, and greater well-being at work.

Learning is a journey of trial and error. With time, practice, and continued commitment, you can eventually master any skill… even human resource management.

And even the art of coaching... thanks to good training! "

See the key skills framework for coaches